matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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