look no pants
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
