If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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