Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
