I showed him my bush... on skype.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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