Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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