Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
where am i from again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
