You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize