His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
