Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
