My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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