I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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