I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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