After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
