Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
