how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
