When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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