Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
