just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
