He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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