God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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