you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still have a little drunk in my system
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
