I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize