i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
