i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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