You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
