i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
