I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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