i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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