yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
