I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
