ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
