I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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