So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize