I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
