I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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