elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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