I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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