he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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