I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone came in the potted fern
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
