I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
