im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
