Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
