Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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