its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
