Where did you get a picture of my penis
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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