i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
