just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
