I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
