Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
