Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
