Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she looked like the before picture.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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