Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
