The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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