I have demons in me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
