I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
