Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Randomize
