my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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