dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
