omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
