Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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