YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
