im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
