Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
