Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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