It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
