so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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