i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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