Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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