I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
