You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
