I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
