Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
